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Bachelor Pad Tips and Tricks

You have no idea how often I hear (as a single woman) “you can tell a woman lives here, there’s stuff on the walls”, I’m thinking “Well duh! I have a pink mailbox, technically you don’t even have to come inside”.  But, it got me thinking; is being a single guy really that hard? Or do you simply not care? Either way if you’re single and wan’t to impress the ladies (because trust me a gross house is an instant “see ya!”), then put on some pants, read this entry, and get ready to go to Ikea.

Tip 1: Step away from color

If you’re having a hard time with pulling your place together because you don’t know if it’s “going to go”, by joe take the guess work out of it!  Guess what fellas, Black, white and gray go together, and you can’t mess that up.  You can put whatever you want on your walls and you’re golden.  But you’re right, it’s really not that easy. So excuse me as I change into my Kindergarten teacher voice- Start with a gray (charcoal works well) sofa, one with clean lines, simple, classic. If you’re too scared to use white for any other furniture or accessories, consider a light gray to contrast with the darker charcoal sofa.  The next largest thing in the room should contrast with the first. The point here is to have a large piece of furniture that is also the heaviest piece of furniture visually. A black ottoman, black and white pillows, black art (buy a canvas paint a messy black stripe- boom! You have art) even black accessories (those are things you set out like book and bowls).  Don’t be afraid of antique stores old things look masculine and add character. Use a black and white rug… see it’s not too hard. 

Walls are not scary, they aren’t timid animals that bite you in the ass when you’re not looking… Walls are not women. Walls should be simple, light, chalky and gray, in this case your walls should disappear they should be background noise… So maybe they should be like woman? I’m kidding!!!  Pick a gray strip you like the fourth color down of, then choose the first or second color on the strip, buy a couple of gallons and get to work. (No it won’t look white!)

If you feel like you’re a big enough boy to add color- Pick ONE. Commit to it. Use it sparingly. (thats what she said)

Tip 2: What do women want?

Ah the age old question… However, I think the simplest answer is we want you to care, and not only about yourself. We want you to want to impress the world, and be humble about it. We want you to take pride in your home, appearance, health and career.  The right woman doesn’t care if you have a collection of PEZ dispensers, a lamp with a fish on it, sports memorabilia, or a pinball machine as long as they are displayed with pride, clean and you obviously love them- if you love it the right woman will too.  Now, a house that is magazine ready clean is also a little off putting, we think “holy cow! I hope this guy doesn’t expect these standards from me on a daily basis…”, you live in your home, a throw can be out of place, magazines can be on the table, a bottle of beer can be on your counter top, we might actually like seeing what you read, drink and like to snuggle up to.  

“I have many leather-bound books, and my apartment smells of rich mahogany” – Anchorman 

Tip 3: Know who you are.

Take a gander at the wonderful world of the internet, she is wise; and will show you things.  A few great sites to look at are: Apartment Therapy for ideas on style, DIY and before and afters, Design Sponge for a look into the feminine an idea on decorating you might just find your style, and last but not least Masculine Interiors for that ultimate guide to your bachelor pad.

So get out there my young padawan, may the force be with you.

This Post Has 15 Comments
      1. I’ve found that women fearing a heavy motorcycle falling on them from 10 feet above really puts a little extra something into bedroom activities.

  1. Decorating with black and white is actually more difficult than it sounds because to make it appear as if it’s done well, the temperatures and shades should all go together. You can’t buy a cold white table and put it with warm white chairs and expect it to look like it is a matching set. Other than that, good tips!

  2. You don’t have to have a "six-figure income" to obtain a living room pictured above. In fact you can have this in your apartment ready to help you seal the deal this weekend, all for under $1600… Let me prove this to you:

    Ikea.

    Kalstad sofa- Dark Gray $499
    Melby arm chair- Black and White (houndstooth) $279
    Nipprig lounge chair- $89
    Ramsatra TV unit- $179
    Stockholm coffee table- $299
    Lovebacken side table- $60
    lappljung ruta rug- $99
    Ormnassel throw- $18
    Malin Figur pillow- $10
    Thorine pillow (fun)- $9
    Glasta art figure- $6
    Pjatterya art series- $40 (for three)
    I’m sure you own a lamp

    There, now quit yo’ bitchin’

    • Author of the post
    1. For $1,600 you’re much better off going to a flea market or antique fair and buying higher quality items than the generic, poorly made, and frankly obviously cheap items you cite here. I agree that you don’t need to spend top dollar for decent decor, but this isn’t the way to do it. You could just copy the layout in an Ikea catalogue, paint the walls grey, and you’d have the same results you describe here and in your article. Lame.

      1. I agree, however, estate sales, flea markets and antique stores don’t have online catalogs. The point to that was for the curious shopper to take a look at those individual pieces; to understand lines, shapes, patterns, colors, and general items that would go together. I didn’t go though the trouble picking out pieces for the fun of it. It’s simply there to help a brother out. The article was written for someone that doesn’t know what they’re doing, which is a lot of guys out there, so please forgive me for trying to help.

        1. Fair enough. I think there is some good advice here, but I fundamentally disagree with recommending a white/black/grey color scheme, and don’t feel like recommending an almost entire layout of Ikea furniture is very helpful.

  3. Right, because men could only be interested interior design to impress women or cater to them. No way it could be a legitimate interest they partake in for their sole satisfaction.

    The tone in which you wrote this piece is quite condescending and presumptuous.

    1. I’m sorry you feel that way. I know a few guys that are just like you, cultured, put together, and have an eye for design. Unfortunately, as a single heterosexual 31 year old female I have experienced some of the best and worst Bachelor pads in our city. You creative guys are a dime a dozen. So choreographed high five to you Collin for being among the awesome few.

      As to the tone- it was intended to be humorous, light hearted, and valid; because lets get real, the majority of men do do it to seal the deal.

  4. White, black, and grey color schemes are cold and uninviting, and unless you have top dollar to spend, typically come off looking really cheap. Think IKEA and Target white and ebony furniture vs. an Eames lounge chair.

      1. That’s the point. Your white, black, grey advice only applies when you have a budget for nice leather or other high quality materials (e.g. an Eames lounge chair). Otherwise you’re left with a pretty chintzy Ikea style setup.

  5. Step 1) Have money.

    Step 2) Get in touch with your feminine side in order to get laid.

    I hate this generation.

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